Troubled Waters

Exercise: one hour walk (mfd says 318cal)
Weight: 214
Hackers weight: 211.2
Calories (net):

I haven't been doing so well with weight loss (or this blog, clearly) lately, and I think it's safe to say that I haven't really been doing too well in general lately. I'm glad that I'm not in the same deep and dark depression that I've experienced before, but I'm definitely realizing that I've been slipping back into dangerous territory recently. And predictably I've been eating very poorly. For some reason I've also had almost zero motivation to exercise, and have wasted a lot of time doing not much, and watching far too much TV online.

I think I fell off the weight loss and blog wagon after a weekend visit with family in which I ate very carefully and went for a tough run on a very hot day, and despite having worked really hard and made pretty good choices during the weekend when I got home I had gained 5 pounds. I know better than to fall in to the trap of believing every change from day to day on the scale, but somehow I kind of fell apart at that, and instead if getting back up again I spiraled into continued bad choices and lack of accountability. It's easy to blame it on having too much free time and being anxious about my new job, but it's still my responsibility to myself to maintain my goals and values. I wish we were moving and getting everything started and busy sooner, but I have another month which I can either choose to see as an ordeal or as an opportunity before I start the grind of full time employment. I hereby choose the opportunity option, starting today. It's all about choices and today I'm returning to the intentional practice of being mindful of the choices I make.

MFD has some cheesy saying about how it doesn't matter how often you fall, what's important is that you get back up again. I've called my provider to talk about options for this depression, I'm a little more aware of how bad things have gotten, and tired of gaining weight- let's get up and make a different set of choices.